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Navigating Toxic Behaviour & Relationships
Hi B Better Family,This week’s tip is a little bit different from other tips.
Besides a tip, it is also a question to all of you!
Often we provide you with know-how about how to heal your body in a natural way. We talk a lot about how stress can contribute to disease dynamics. But we also like to provide you with tips that will help you with what you can do about reducing stress. Since most people experience stress from relationships I thought this would be a good place to start.
I have a series in mind called ‘Navigating Toxic Behavior & Relationships’, but I would love to hear from you as well to personalize the content to problems you run into yourself!
Do you experience stress from people in your environment (family, friends or work) that makes you feel from time to time really bad? Or doubt yourself? If so, what kind of behaviours are you dealing with? Let me know.
Your answer can help someone else on the forum as well!!
How do you know if someone is ‘Toxic’? What are the signs & symptoms?
It might sound silly to even ask the question, right?But here is the thing: most toxic people aren’t toxic all the time. In fact, they can even be fun from time to time! There can be enough good days to make you feel good, but enough bad days to make you doubt. The best indicator is probably your ‘gut feeling‘. Often people just feel something is wrong.
Chronic exposure to ‘toxic people’ in your life can however contribute to some serious feelings that can cause or worsen most disease dynamics we are talking about here at B Better.
Here are some common ones:
- Anxiety
- Helplessness
- Worry
- Self-doubt (“Am I being too sensitive?” or “Was I wrong?”)
- Confusion (because you feel you can’t trust your own memory because you have been told so many times you were wrong.)
- Apathy
- A loss of authenticity: the feeling you aren’t yourself with another person.
- A loss of self love: you might not even like who you are yourself anymore, because you are provoked into reacting bad yourself in an attempt to survive.
Sometimes this can translate into behaviours. For example, ‘toxic people’ at home can cause people to want to stay at work longer. Even holidays can feel awful since you know you have to deal with these behaviours…… and then there can be feelings of guilt since you feel you are an awful person for thinking of all these bad things about these persons.
Help us! Your answer can help someone else on the forum as well!!
We often hear that we should cut ‘toxic people’ out of our lives… however, this isn’t always possible. Some people might be family. Some people raise kids with them.Recognizing and knowing how to navigate these behaviours is therefore important for healing from disease as well!
I will provide you with a list of common manipulative behavior techniques below. Let me know in the comment section what types of behaviours you often encounter and find challenging to deal with! And I will provide you with some tips to develop and become more ‘repellant’ to some of these challenging people in your life.
If you are short on time to reply, just type in the number(s) of the list below! Again: your input can help others in the forum!
- Gaslighting: This is a technique used to make someone doubt their own perceptions and memories. The manipulator may deny something that happened or insist that it was said or done differently, causing the victim to question their own sanity or memory.
- Guilt-tripping: This involves making someone feel guilty for not doing what the manipulator wants. The manipulator may use statements like “If you really loved me, you would do this for me” or “I’m so disappointed in you” to make the victim feel responsible for the manipulator’s emotions.
- Silent treatment: This is a form of emotional manipulation where the manipulator refuses to speak or interact with the victim as a way to punish or control them.
- Love-bombing: This involves overwhelming the victim with attention and affection to gain their trust and manipulate them. The manipulator may use grand gestures or excessive flattery to make the victim feel special and then use that emotional connection to control them.
- Triangulation: This is a technique used to create drama or competition between two people, making one person feel like they have to compete for the manipulator’s attention or approval.
- Negative reinforcement: This involves punishing or withholding something from the victim to get them to do what the manipulator wants. For example, a manipulator may threaten to leave or withhold affection if the victim doesn’t comply with their demands.
- Playing the victim: This involves portraying oneself as a victim of circumstances or other people’s actions to gain sympathy, attention, or to avoid responsibility. The manipulator may use statements like “You’re always against me” or “I can’t help it, it’s just the way I am” to elicit a desired response from the victim.
- Overwhelming with information: This is a technique where the manipulator overwhelms the victim with a barrage of information, facts, or arguments to confuse, distract, or wear down the victim. The manipulator may use this technique to prevent the victim from thinking clearly or making an informed decision.
- Isolation: This is a tactic used to isolate the victim from their support networks, such as friends, family, or colleagues, to increase the manipulator’s control over the victim. The manipulator may use tactics like controlling the victim’s communication or preventing them from spending time with others to create dependence and reduce the victim’s ability to seek help or support.
- DARVO: DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s a technique used by some people to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and instead turn the blame onto the victim. The first step involves denying any wrongdoing or responsibility for their actions. The second step is to attack the victim by questioning their credibility, character, or motives. Finally, the offender may reverse the roles of victim and offender, claiming that they are the victim in the situation and the victim is actually the offender.
Let us know in the comments what topics you like to have some practical tips on! If I missed something you like to have more information about, let me know as well!Thank you,
Daniel
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5 Replies
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thank you for sharing. Although I have not personally experienced a toxic relationship, I have witnessed many from close family and friends.
I have seen family members being gaslit and isolated. Both are still in those toxic relationships “for the kids”. One knows they are living with a narcissist, the other knows but has yet to admit they are living with someone who is isolating them as a way of control – but we all see it.
It’s hard seeing family members suffer because unless they come to you for help, it’s almost like you shouldn’t say anything and stay quiet.
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, thank you for sharing this. I think you bring up a valuable point here as well! There are definitely things we can do as friends and family.
Survivors that are in these toxic romantic relationships can feel isolated. Partly of shame or feelings of being judged by friends and other people. And this comes on top of the self-judging these survivors are already doing.
Often these people are best helped by friends who don’t judge – even as it is quite hard as a friend to express your concerns. Learning about these manipulation techniques can help you understand what they are going through.
Understanding the basics of these behaviours as a friend can help them retain the confidence that they have left… and even build it up!
I will make sure I spend some time explaining how to do this as well!
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Does this fall into the mental / emotional part of healing!? It is by far the hardest one for me. Reading the list of manipulative techniques , I sure had to take a deep breath because some of them I see in myself when I can not cope with a situation or something is too overwhelming …. Lots of work to do. Thank you for doing this
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Yes, the article was written with this in mind.
This stuff isn’t thought in school, but in my opinion, it should be. We all have used one or more of these methods ourselves. They are common.
Recognizing these methods can be the first step toward personal growth. Manipulation isn’t always used ‘to get what you want’, but it can also be a way of protecting your self-image for example.
Once you can see through these tactics, you can actually learn a lot about yourself! And as a bonus, you can learn a lot about others.
If you know how to recognize these patterns, you can also start finding out how to say the same in a way that actually can strengthen your relationships or keep them more ‘clean’.
Reasons, why people use these methods are often related to insecurity and low self-esteem. These types of feelings are just as well a form of stress that can contribute to disease!
For most people, when they use these tactics, it gives a lot of stress as well. Situations often escalate. Provided that narcissism doesn’t play a role, people often end up with feelings of guilt or shame about their behaviours as well.
These feelings of shame and guilt can strengthen low self-esteem making it more likely to resort to these methods.
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Can not wait for more!
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